thoughts.

5.11.21: WOW, WOW, WOW.

Well, $630 dollars was raised during my Yoga for India class on Friday and I couldn’t be more grateful or excited so thank you all again who gave back. HUGE NEWS! This money went to Sundara Fund ( I will attach the link below so you can find out more or donate to the covid crisis in India on your own!)

This week I started my Accessible Yoga Training (AYT) and I am so excited- I was antsy for homework and learning and I have had my eye on this training forever. This a 30 hour certification will only expand the populations I can bring yoga to: elderly, bigger bodied, physically disabled, cancer patients and those with other illnesses and conditions, and of course brushing up on trauma patients. Although I love teaching my general population classes, this is a niche Ive been passionate about for years- and have had jobs (until covid hit) working with women and teen girls who have suffered from domestic abuse, neglect, addiction, sexual abuse, homelessness and other traumatic circumstances, special needs adults- mostly moderate to severely autistic, and inner city teens in youth programs in places like the south bronx where many of them have it tough to say the least. Being able to work with more populations and bodies is truly exciting and so important to me. So ill be keeping you updated as I move through the course.

My social media will be shifting a bit to show what yoga truly is- modified postures with props, alternative options, etc.

Learn more about Accessible Yoga Training here. You do not have to be certified in yoga!!! Many people in the training with me work in hospitals, rape crisis centers, or as teachers or occupational therapists. So far I am loving it and would highly recommend it. Its a brand new world and yoga is getting more inclusive by the day!

The mainstream yoga industry shows really only ONE side of yoga. I mean check #yoga on instagram- do ANY of those people look like you? I mean….it’s too much already. So I’m ready for the revolution! If it’s not accessible- its just not yoga. Im seeing so many more types of classes out there and I’m excited that ill be more equipped to teach more of them.

5.6.21: On Being Fortunate…

Alright so here goes. Recently my mom read all of my blogs (bless her heart & also shout out to all the moms who are the biggest fans of their kids). I didn’t know she was going to read them and it was kind of out of nowhere. I only knew that she did when she sent me a heartfelt message saying how much she really loved everything I had written and some other nice words. 

Later on when I saw her, we went more in depth and she specifically mentioned my blog about “taking it one day at a time” and “not having a plan”. She said “ya know, a lot of people don’t have the luxury to do that you have to realize. You’re telling people to take it day by day, but some people have to plan. They can’t take random trips whenever they please and stay in Costa Rica for months at a time”.

All I could think was …. OMG. 100%. I KNOW THAT. I immediately began to spiral into my thoughts- is that how it came off? Because that was most definitely NOT what I intended. Like do people think I am just completely out of touch talking about how the wind will blow you wherever you go, just leave your mortgage and kids behind, buy a plane ticket and go babe!? I absolutely hope not….

I want to clarify what I meant, and then I want to discuss something that I don’t ever talk about because it has always made me uncomfortable. But should it? I realize no. P.S. I didn’t actually realize it made uncomfortable until more recently when I dug a little deeper into the sensations I felt when being confronted with it.

My intention in that post was to never ever tell people that they should live their lives in any certain type of way. I would never do that 🙂 But for real, who am I actually to tell anyone how to live? I haven’t exactly gotten in all right in my 36 years on this earth. What works for me might not work for the next person, and I understand that. I am always simply sharing my life, stories, anecdotes, little advices (take them or leave them), and things that have worked and not worked for me. My main intention is always to help add some value, be it learning from my mistakes, learning something new or sometimes it’s just to share because maybe someone needed to hear it, or someone can relate, or see from a new perspective. There are no expectations.

My post was suggesting that people take it “a day at a time” simply when it comes to their mind only. I am not telling people to drop their 5 year plan, stop saving money every month or let go of future goals. That isn’t reality and would be silly.  In order to be present and bring more joy to our lives we can only practice living in this moment; not in tomorrow’s to do list, not in yesterdays mistakes, not worrying about next week, not regretting last month.  Yoga philosophy is about being present so we can build awareness around thoughts in our minds, savor moments, pause and carefully choose our actions and reactions. PLAN! ORGANIZE! SCHEDULE! You don’t have to hop on the next plane to Bali! I love my calendar as much as the next person. But, can we focus on what we do while we are doing it? Sure! Can we practice relaxing the mind by being in the here and now? Yep! As for talking about “not having a plan” I was letting others know that it’s okay if they don’t.

A couple of weeks later one of my best friend’s Natalie and I were reconnecting and she mentioned my blog. She complimented my writing but offered a suggestion. She said it would be valuable if I shared a bit more honestly about how fortunate I am, and how I am able to do all of the things I am lucky enough to do. After all, my blog is about being 100% real and raw…100% me. And that in reality is a part of my life (whether I want to write about it or not!). Money can be a really uncomfortable thing for people to talk about. People that have it, people that don’t, people that have it now and never did, people that had it and don’t anymore… It literally doesn’t matter.  Funny how one of the things that makes our world go round, that comes and goes, is also something that people also don’t know how to talk about most of the time, right?

We hear things like, “Oh he’s bragging…” , “They should have given more..!”, “She’s so cheap!”, “He asked you how much you spent on it?”

There are all these rules to navigate, no one truly knows everyone’s situation, history, traumas or relationship with money, yet everyone seems to have their opinions and judgements.  Regardless, it makes people weird sometimes. I’ve witnessed it.

I guess here is my chance to explain. I did grow up in a financially comfortable situation, although of course it wasn’t something I knew until later on. As I began to expand my world, meet new people, travel and volunteer, I began to feel guilt and shame around it. I found myself avoiding conversations or lying about it (not even on purpose). I am finally releasing any and all of that along with my newfound commitment to loving myself unconditionally, and the radical acceptance of my life (previous post).

I have more freedom to travel and do the things I like to do and for that I am truly blessed. I have had every opportunity in life to do whatever it was I wanted (I never knew what that was). I was able to change careers (a lot) and when I landed on yoga and never looked back it made sense because at its core yoga is about giving back.  That being said, I also have more freedom to help people as well. It is important to me to pave my own way, leave my own mark and make my own a living doing what I love to do because I add value to society, peoples lives and the world.

Giving back is a value that was instilled in me from a young age- though action, not solely donation. I have volunteered from the time I was very young for a number of organizations, and I still teach donation based yoga classes every year and do other charity work. I firmly believe all yoga instructors should (I rarely say people should or shouldn’t do something but this is a built in clause to the ethics of yoga).  I will always use whatever resources I have to help others as a part of my job, paid or unpaid. I believe it is my karmic duty. Many of the yoga jobs I lost involved teaching groups that normally wouldn’t have access to it, which has been a passion for years. No, I wouldn’t be able to live the life that I am living without the emotional and financial support of my family, but I have also been able to help many others as well because of it. 

When looking back, I realize how many people have asked or made comments about my lifestyle- how are you making it as a yoga teacher in New York City? How can you just travel all the time? How can you afford living alone in Williamsburg?!” Well, now it’s all on the table. And guess what? It may not always be like that. One day it could all disappear just like many other things did for me in 2020. I always managed to slink away or change the subject because it was just…well, easier.  I make my own living, but yes I have had some help, and I felt guilt about that for a number of years. I wanted to be relatable, I wanted people to look at me as hardworking, to see I’m a good person regardless of any of what was handed to me.  Why would I think explaining the truth would affect how people thought about me? I have been working hard to come to a place where I don’t need people to know I am a good person, or someone who gives back because i’ve come to realize it’s just between God and I (and now whoever is reading this which to be honest isn’t too many people). In the end, how people feel about me is quite actually none of my business. Come to think of it, maybe now that people know I don’t do it for the money- they will see I do it because I really do care.

All the factors were in line for me to have traveled for the last 4 months, and throughout some of the different phases of my life. I lost almost all of my yoga jobs due to covid, so I let go of my studio apartment. No expensive rent in Brooklyn also added to the fact that I could really get up and go. Also please keep in mind I don’t have a husband or children. I don’t own a home, have a mortgage or any strings tethering me to any person or any place. All of those things sound really nice too and sometimes I think about the fact that I don’t, or whether one day I’ll decide I will. I don’t have it all figured out, and life isn’t always peaches and cream. For me, for any of us, for Beyonce, or for the Queen of England!  We are all truly in this together when it comes down to being the same on a human level.

I feel lighter. But I was the only one keeping myself from feeling that way in the first place. Thank you for reading if you made it this far. Any feedback or comments are always welcome. I am extremely open to listening and hearing you. I hope I did this in a way where you truly felt my heart.  If you know me, you know my heart and I will always do my best.

4.29.21: Radical Acceptance

Here is what I wanted to share about Radical Acceptance 🙂 Something that I am working (very very hard) on embracing in my life. Please know it is a practice, it doesn’t just happen one day and BOOM you’re at peace!

But also note, this isn’t just something for “yoga people”…I’m sharing it because it’s amazing for anyone on this earth to know about. It is based on research and science but it is also something we can feel and understand- and I love being able to connect those two things…it is tangible, and relatable.

In life, it is inevitable that we will experience pain, however the amount of suffering we go through is ultimately up to us. What the hell is she talking about? Well, pain is usually due to one or more events occurring, and then that event ends…. and we keep going. Sometimes the pain is quick, and sometimes it lingers but it will usually almost always go away. “Pain on its own can be difficult. But it’s only when you don’t accept it that it turns into suffering.” Does that make sense? Suffering can be never ending if we allow it to be. We often mistake suffering for pain. If we really dig deeper and allow ourselves to really feel everything- we can usually find out which one we are experiencing in the moment.

Pain is what happens to us, suffering is what we do with that pain. … We can avoid or lessen our actual suffering based on what we choose to do with the pain we experience.

BUT WHAT IS RADICAL ACCEPTANCE? It is “accepting everything about yourself, your current situation, and your life without question, blame, or pushback” or “simply accepting yourself and your circumstances in order to better move through and past them”.

Research studies have shown that fighting against something often makes it worse. We blame things on external factors, other people, we make excuses, get defensive etc. This is where the “RADICAL” comes into play- because there is none of that. No matter how hard you want to reach for it.

Can you think of a time (or times) in your life where you no longer are going through the actual pain but you are causing yourself anguish and stress due to your mind and your mind alone? I can. I have caused myself an unbelievable amount of unnecesary suffering without even realizing I had a choice. Replaying something over and over in your head, wishing you had done it different, wishing you said something else, wondering how things could be now if one thing had changed. Dwelling on regrets, embarrassment, decisions that have been made…. all of this does only one thing. It causes suffering. In order to find peace, we can work on being okay with everything that ever was, everything that is, for exactly what it is. Even thinking about doing this brings my body and mind a bit of release. Knowing that we can play an active role in bringing ourselves peace by just practicing this? OMG. Cue the choir singing *Hallelujah*. What’s done is done, we can not go back. Although yes, sometimes wowwwww, I wish I could, lol. For example, although I am completely at peace with this now, how many times in my 20’s did I feel shame around my first marriage? Like, “Hey what if I didn’t marry that guy from Costa Rica when I was 25? and what if I realized he was stealing from me slowly? Where would I be today? Would I have been X Y or Z?”. What good did any of that do me? I’ll tell you…. none whatsoever. And because of it, I was not in a good place for a long time. so, EFF THAT am I right?

We can only control the actions we take going forward (no-one else) using our best judgment (which gets stronger as we learn and grow) and as they happen, we accept them for what they are and keep on moving. Will we still make mistakes? SURE! We are human. It’s okay. Have you ever heard the saying, “look back but don’t stare”? It’s very relevant here! Yes, it is easier said than done. But like anything else we practice, we build skill.

With a little bit more of this awareness everyday, we will be on our way to (like my bff from Ireland says) HAPPY DAYS! (or at least happier days!)

Here is an easy read from the New York Times that goes into this a bit more: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/22/well/mind/radical-acceptance-suffering.html

And another great article from which some of my quotes above are from AND gives great suggestions on how to go about putting it into practice for everyday life! https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/what-is-radical-acceptance-and-how-can-it-help-me/

Anyway, I hope this adds a little bit of value to your day or your life 🙂

The better, the happier and the more peaceful we get as individuals, the more we pass that on to others, and the more the world becomes a bit of a better place. I care about you. ❤

4.22.21: BK OR BUST!

HAPPY EARTH DAY EVERYONE! How beautiful and glorious is Mother Nature? Have you appreciated her lately? I know I have been. And guess what? I’m back in New York.

I am on Long Island for the next few weeks at my family home until I move into my extended stay AirBnB in Williamsburg which I decided would be the perfect idea just a few weeks ago. I had been playing around with the idea and looking at places and finally locked something down. I want to feel the vibe of the neighborhood, as every time i’ve been in the last couple weeks to visit friends or family its felt so amazing and vibrant and alive as things start to open up.

Teaching at Brooklyn Athletic Club again will be the perfect transition back into the in-person yoga world in NY for me. And I couldn’t be more excited. They reached out last week and I jumped at the chance! Under my class tab you’ll find the details.

Later on tonight I will be posting about RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. Something that is very relevant to me lately, and I will weave it into my classes for a bit going forward. I also want to address an issue that has been seriously on my mind for over a month now but ive been hesitant to share.

SO please stay tuned! Email me here to get todays weekly email if you missed it 🙂

3.6.21: April flowin’ & growin’

Hello my April flow-ers! Get it? Like….yoga flow, but also it’s spring so…. flowers. Okayyy, silly I know but I thought it was cute… let’s move on haha.

Usually when I sit down to write out my weekly thoughts I have a pretty good idea of where I am going. This week, not so much. I want to be intentional and succinct (I am not known for such things, especially in my writing) so in order to organize my thoughts I will update you on only the following things

1. Where I am/ Where I am going (physically mostly but also like emotionally/mentally)
2. HAPPY SPRING: 2 articles on how science proves NATURE is beneficial for our health and wellness.
3. CLASSES & the future!

1. This past week has been filled with SO MUCH MOVEMENT. When our physical bodies are experiencing a lot of movement, the mind often naturally follows…so yoga and breathing have been tools I’ve been utilizing often. I am officially a couple days back in the good ole US of A. I noticed feelings of anxiety as I prepared to transition but was able to recognize and label what was happening before it spiraled, as its a pattern for me… an unnecessary one at that. I talked it out with friends and they were also able to support so that was extra helpful. Some people can relate to this change related anxiety….a lot of people really. Shout out to good friends though (suggestion: tell a friend a specific reason why you appreciate them before bed tonight :). We road-tripped from the coast to the capital (San Jose), had a fun couple nights in the mountainous gritty city where I have a ton of history and from there I floated back to Fort Lauderdale while my friends went on from there. I had my PCR test at a clean and well organized clinic right at the airport where they offer both results in an hour and next day (I opted for next day as I wasn’t in a rush and we had a rental car). Fourth (fifth?) time is a charm and knock on wood another negative result. I feel quite confident flying and traveling to be honest. I feel like I have it down to a science. I also take it pretty seriously for the sake of others. I have been out of New York (my home base) for 3 months and 2 weeks exactly. Just under 2 of those months were in Costa Rica, and the rest was South Florida.
2. Here are the articles to hopefully motivate you to get out into the great outdoors, Mother Nature, mama Gaia, whatever you like to call her….she’s wonderful. I love to balance my “tree hugger” reputation with actual science- that way people can say what ever they want 😉 Like I wrote in my email today (lmk if you aren’t subscribed and i’ll send you this weeks no problem), nature is scientifically proven to be quite literally GOOD FOR OUR HEALTH 🙂 Like duh, but …so cool to remind ourselves. Check these out:

“How Nature Makes you Kinder, Happier, More Creative” (Berkeley edu)

AND

“We are Wired to Be Outside” (National Geographic)

3. I fly to JFK with my mother and dog Jack on FRIDAY. I have to say it feels really right. I am going for 2 joyous occasions- my best friends bridal shower and my sweet nephews first birthday. I also get to change over my suitcase after all these months with one large rolling, small rolling and a backpack- so I also consider this a joyous occasion. I am going to see friends and family and I imagine things will be wonderful. Yoga studios are beginning to open. Ive been getting surveys and emails from previous employers- and those excited me the moment I opened them. I am contemplating staying for the summer to see how it goes… can I make teaching my jam in New York again? I have other big plans in store for the future- just not sure how the timeline will play out. I am not sure I am done having my love affair with NYC and the people living there ❤ I would love to organize some outdoor classes- so please let me know if you would attend or would have any ideas for that! Even if you had a group of friends or a cool space I would love to teach in my home state again even if just a bit :). Classes this week are under the class tab- and I have a new special and updated pricing from my original classes (less $!)

Love you all so much thanks for being you. I’ll update you soon. Also- beginner flows coming soon for the few of you who have expressed interest 🙂

3.28.21: Where to Begin

Tomorrow marks one month here in Costa Rica. I know. What? Please forgive the 2 week delay in communication, though it was much needed. For the first week, I was processing and integrating my ceremony experience (from 3.8), teaching in person and recording some limited Zoom yoga classes, as well as resting. Thanks to the plant medicine I have learned I am mentally stronger than I ever thought and no longer have doubts about what I am capable of handling. My mind has always questioned my strength and weakness and now it is much more at ease on the subject. That next Sunday (3.14) some energetic shifts happened and we decided it was the absolute perfect time for a road trip. We got wheels and headed up the coast.

First stop- Playa Herradura- a lovely AirBnB which was actually like hitting a jackpot because it ended up being a condominium on the Marriott Los Sueños property. We had access to all the amenities as hotel guests would.. a beach club, a full gym, a slew of shops and restaurants. On the way out we stopped at crocodile bridge which was fun. Here’s one of the big guys:

Next stop was Tamarindo- but technically Playa Langosta so we could stay off the beaten path, right on the beach. So lovely. Much more alive. At this point I was in the routine of cooking Gallo Pinto every morning, working out, practicing yoga, and even enjoying pizza at this amazing place RIGHT across the street (It was a sign!) Oh, I spent St. Patricks day there with a real life Irishman, so he was an exciting and festive “accessory” .. (he’s in on the joke. aka it’s my good friend Ciaran who’s been a travel buddy since being at Synergy together down in Uvita). I’m also with my amazing and beautiful friend Bec. I’ll go more into detail about us reuniting for the first time since January soon. (A New Yorker, an Irishman and an Aussie are road tripping up the coast of Costa Rica… sounds like it could be the start of a joke, no?) To be honest we are all pretty funny together! At least we think so.

From there we made our way to Peninsula Papagayo- where it became about adventure and fun – jet skiing, zip-lining, paddle boarding, seeing sanctuary wildlife. We watched Jaguars play, hung with the Toucans and talked to the monkeys. We laughed, bonded, learned. We listened to the 80’s hits Spotify playlist, stopped for fresh fruit on the side of the road every so often, enjoyed the views from wherever we found ourselves. Along with adventuring we relaxed, cooked and reset. Overall I have been quite happy and extremely grateful (along with all of the other emotions I experience- we are always more than just one thing). Lots of photos on my insta highlights if you want to see more.

As I write to you now I am a bit south in a little town called Surfside. A block from the beach. We’ve been hopping every day to new beaches and having a blast. I haven’t taught in about a week- as I’ve been PRACTICING!!! *cue my excitement. Ive been getting out of my own head and fully immersing myself in being a student. I think I really needed to receive these gifts and take a break from giving my energy. That being said, I am super inspired and will be back with classes next week.

ALSO: the bad news is my Loom Yoga Saturday morning Zoom class has been cancelled, but the good news is that its because the studio is resuming in studio classes in Brooklyn after over a year of being closed. I will sacrifice an online yoga job any day for my NYC home to flourish once again ESPECIALLY in the yoga game. .

As for me, I am not sure what this means. Is there still a place and purpose for me in NYC? It is hard to say. I will feel it out when I come home in April for my best friends bridal shower and nephews first birthday. How will it feel? I am so curious but at the same tine I have no expectations. But home is home no matter where I am. Even as I sit here a sliver of my heart is there in the people places and things. ❤

Tomorrow we head to Playas Del Coco for our next adventure. I will put together a Zoom schedule that will be a bit more consistent. Until then I have some great recorded classes available for purchase if you’re craving a Megan Hope Yoga Flow. I have vinyasa, yin, vinyasa. You name it. Classes are now $10 drop in (adjusting prices as times change- and these prices are lower to make them even more accessible! Yay).

Hoping that I will be teaching in person again soon with the way things are going. How exciting! To have yoga back in New York will be a game changer!

IDEAS:

Brainstorming now about a yoga curriculum for younger students that I wrote a few years back (thanks to Bec and her listening skills and master advice and never ending support). Can I go somewhere with this? Put it into action? Im going to go back and take a look, spruce it up, really look at it with a fresh pair of eyes. Ultimate goal is to teach the most important philosophical principles of life (yoga) to younger generations. They’ll need it more than trigonometry I promise you that. Would schools be interested? Would parents? Can I implement or train? Zoom or in person? Teach for free because I guarantee results where they count? Stay tuned for more on this.

My take aways from the past month in a nutshell:

Being in the present is the best possible place you can be. An attitude of gratitude will turn everything you have into enough. Being warm and friendly leads to meeting new amazing people who will become your life long friends. Being open and stepping out of your comfort zone leads to unforgettable experiences and memories. Life comes in waves and you just have to ride them knowing you’ll be at the top and the bottom and you’ll never know when you’ll be where or how big they’ll be. There is a space between action and reaction and you’ll always have the choice in that space to choose your response. Its okay to not know, it’s okay to not be okay, AND it is possible to be both at the same time. All of this will be better in every way if you remember to BREATHE.

Sending so much love from the pacific side of Costa Rica. I’m back! xoxo.

3.10.21: Here’s to New Experiences:

Well, I finally did it. After over a year of contemplation, reflection, thought and research- I sat for my first plant medicine ceremony with ayahuasca (aka the mother, mama Aya, abuelita, and who knows how many more things I’ve heard it called, lol). For those of you who don’t know much about this, here’s a link here to basically give you a simple baseline understanding: https://www.newscientist.com/term/ayahuasca/.

In preparation, I cut out coffee about 5 days before, I’ve been meat free for 2 months (today!), you’re supposed to also abstain from sex, garlic, excess sodium, onions and any substances like drugs or alcohol. No problem! Ive been living a healthy life here. Eating mostly fresh fruits and vegetables, things like oats and vegetarian foods- some fish sprinkled in here and there. No oils or avocado or nuts 2-3 days before as well. The day of the ceremony I had some raw mango and papaya and some plain quinoa just to have in my stomach as I would not be eating until around 8:30 the next morning. This is all for maximum absorption of the medicine and its benefits

I’m not going to lie, I was extremely anxious, and the decision to participate in this ceremony was a difficult one. I don’t normally do great on “psychedelics” but I had to remind myself, it is not a drug that I am using unguided for recreation, it is a medicine… part of a sacred ceremony dating back over 1000 years, with people who have been practicing this tradition for many many years. Passing it on from generation to generation. It was put on this earth from God to be accessed by man to find a deeper understanding of him/herself. Something that really had me like, alright lets do it why not, was this simple passage:

Although let me tell you everyones experience of the medicine is completely unique every time you drink.

I arrived at the center, feeling like a kid being dropped off at sleep away camp for the first time on Monday afternoon. I met some of the women I would be spending the next day with and we changed into bathing suits to participate in a flower bath. The flowers were beautiful and the water smelled amazing. It was a beautiful celebration of the feminine on International women’s day. We let the water and flowers dry on our skin and changed into our white clothing (traditional for ceremony). We walked up a steep hill onto the top of a mountain surrounded by the jungle where you could see the ocean in the distance. We chose our spots inside of the breezy temple, which contained a futon, pillow, blanket, bucket and tissues. The temple is a big circle as we were arranged in one as well. We sit and listen to the medicine woman Chiara- explain the medicine, how the ceremony will work and how we will be helped if needed. One by one we came up to be served our small cup of the medicine. It was thick and brown, tasting like a mixture of earth, licorice, dark chocolate and having the consistency of a watery brownie batter almost. I didn’t mind the taste, but you take a sip of water afterwards. I was already crying when I stood up to receive my cup. I told her it was my first time. I went to sit back down and wait, as we all did.

What happened after that is hard to put into words. For many the journey was full of laughter bliss and joy, for others, deep pain and purging into the buckets, sobbing, working through trauma, others danced and went to lay under the stars by the sacred fire. But for everyone, collective healing was occurring.

For me, I started sitting up calmly against a pillow. When it kicked in I experienced pain- the medicine made its way through my body and started as a gentle stomachache, then my body felt as if it was tingling. I started to experience feelings that I remember from when I was a child. The same fear, worry and anxiety. The feeling of loneliness, when all you want is to grab onto your mother. The same depression I experienced 20 years ago when preparing to enter college. The same worry I had when I didn’t have the tools to get myself out. I asked for help from the guides. I cried a lot. It was difficult, I felt it all. And that was what the medicine needed for me to experience. A lot more happened under the stars- there were shooting stars, stars that moved in waves and disappeared and appeared. One got brighter and brighter and I said my grandmothers name out loud. I was so deep within my mind and my ego it was hard to surrender and let go to the medicine which only caused me more pain. The sisters aiding in the ceremony kept telling me to let go, that all was fine and that all I needed to do was surrender to the medicine to find paradise. It was not my time. I resisted. I stayed in the discomfort. That was my journey. Pockets of peace followed by intense cruel conversations with myself and so on and so on as I rode the waves. I did not feel good. I had one good purge as I walked to the bathroom. I listened to the music and instruments inside the temple for hours. There was no time. It just didn’t exist. They told us the breathing was the surfboard to navigate us through the waves of the medicine. I didn’t believe the words they told me. I kept resisting and insisting I knew better. When the medicine wore off, I slept on and off in peace with the sounds of the jungle around me surrounded by the women who had set out on the journey with me. I woke up in the morning and realized I was fine, and I had done what I had set out to do. When I opened my eyes my first thought was relief, peace and happiness. Because I was wrong, and I am strong. For my next ceremony I knew I would most likely be able to surrender into the joy.

What I can say is my ego and mind fought hard to stay in control. It makes sense when looking at my life, who I have been, and where I am from. The self judgement that occurred throughout the night was exaggerated and almost shocking. I am done with it. I. Am. Done. I am working now on freeing myself more than ever before because this journey gave me an even deeper look into how much harm this can do to my soul. I love life and people and things and I cast my judgements aside and I will be extending this courtesy to myself. I don’t deserve the bullying. I deserve happiness inside myself. This will be a life long practice and I am okay with that. I am grateful for this experience.

This ayahuasca will continue to work in my system for 21 days, thought they say once the medicine is in you, it will always remember, and every time you drink – you will peel away more and more layers, go deeper and deeper.

My word for the night was love, and I asked for a gentle entrance into the medicine- though she had other plans for me.

In the morning we woke up to the most delicious giant bowls of mango papaya banana and watermelon along with an Ayurvedic vegan oat and coconut milk mixture with seeds nuts and orange zest and cinnamon. What a way to break a long fast. My body was exhausted, and I gave my mind a break from thinking. We had a closing ceremony sharing circle which was incredibly beautiful and definitely needed. I went home to nap and rest drinking water and tea in the air conditioning all day. Just what was needed. I continue to process and integrate.

So much more work to do. It is never ending. One of the women in my group said yesterday, “so much more love to do”, which I think I like better.

I will probably add and edit to this as the days go by. But here it all is real and raw and unedited so pardon any mistakes please 🙂

3.1.21: Here We Go (Again)

So its March 2021. And it’s Monday.  Happy Monday! Happy March! Almost one year later I have embraced the biggest changes of my life and have adapted (i think). My strategy of taking it day by day seems to be working well. The only time it feels as if it isn’t working is when people ask me questions about the future and my plans. They ask in a way as if I should know the answers and right now I don’t.  I find myself tongue tied often. I know what is important to me, and the things that I want to forever be priorities in my life but that’s about as far as it goes. Sometimes I allow these questions of the future to stir up all the dust that had already settled peacefully….like I am an untouched snow globe and out of nowhere someone gives me a gentle shake. I have to remind myself that people don’t know thats my current mindset… how much it comforts me and helps me to be more present. They are not mind readers. And then I simply pass along the “taking it day by day” memo..

I don’t know who needs to hear this but… there is nothing wrong with not having a plan. Society, culture or family and friends may not understand this and thats okay. Heck, Megan 10 or maybe even 5 years ago wouldn’t have. But if all we have is now then why are we so stuck on making plans 3, 5, 10 years from now? Having ambitions and goals is wonderful but that is something different. From my experience whatever big plans I have ever made never worked out to exact timeline or expectations or exact outcome I had originally wanted. They weren’t supposed to. Specific plans and timelines come with attachment…possible disappointment, feelings of failure, sadness, or comparison. I decided to let all that go and try something different.

A few of the main things to come out of me not needing to have a “5 year plan”?  A lightness. A sense of freedom. A feeling like I am really living for me and this moment.  A deeper trust in this universe. This might not be the way you operate and thats totally okay! I am simply sharing what is working best for my own personal joy, happiness and growth.  DISCLAIMER: this is a PRACTICE. There will always be moments of worry or questioning, evaluating and wondering.. is this okay?! But as I consistently practice these moments are less and less frequent.

As I write this from my room in Costa Rica I am excited at the fluidity and flexibility of my life right here, right now, and for the future.  Rather than being fearful or needing to know all the answers I choose to find comfort in the uncertainty and possibilities these days.  It only took a global pandemic for me to get to this place.  Go figure.

I will be relaxing this week, teaching yoga and settling in preparing for my first Ayahuasca ceremony next Monday, and then there are no set plans. Maybe a yoga and surf camp up north, a trip to the peninsula, a possible small flight to the other side of the country, a car rental and a girls road trip? I’ll update you as things unfold. Here is to taking it day by day.

Check out my classes for this week found under classes in the menu 🙂

Photo of the week:

2.22.21: The Peaks & Valleys

Another week has flown by and I hope you soared peacefully along with it. For me (and many others I am sure) it’s constantly learning to embrace the uncertainty of life – balanced with consistent gratitude (even when I am deep in a valley…especially when I am deep in a valley). It’s so easy to see how beautiful things are from the tip top of a peak. When you are at the foot of the mountain with your feet stuck in the mud it is easy to wish you were up at the summit looking down at all the beauty. This is when we need to utilize the tools we have gained from our practice to find our strength, the silver linings. Even just TRUSTING and knowing you will be back up there in time is sometimes enough. In these time we can make some decisions which will help us with the challenges so here is some of my best advice.

1. TAKE A DEEP BREATH (or 2 or 10) and try to enjoy the journey you are on. The moment you are in. Easier said than done sure. Start by focusing on what you have that you couldn’t imagine living without! Its a great start.
2. TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME on the way to the top. Literally one step is progress. One step is enough. Feel free to rest and takes breaks along the way. Stop and smell the roses, take in the scenery. Like they say, the journey IS the destination. Don’t be fooled- we are always on the journey even when we think we have reached our destination.
3. REMIND YOURSELF. Life will have you teetering between peaks and valleys ALWAYS AND FOREVER and you will never be in one of these places for too long. It is all temporary. So best not to get too comfortable in either place. I promise it will make things easier
4. DO NOT compare yourself. “Comparison is the thief of all happiness”.
   Stay steadfast on your own path and don’t let others distract. ESPECIALLY IF IT’S SOMETHING YOU’RE SEEING ON SOCIAL MEDIA!
5. LOVE YOURSELF. I don’t even need to explain the benefits of this one because it permeates every area of your life.

I know these are probably things you already know but honestly, a reminder can be a powerful thing. So if you’re thinking- DUH Megan. Please know this is also for me because I am on the journey with you- maybe just a different route.

I am heading back to the jungle of Costa Rica on Friday- so stay tuned for my class schedule under the classes tab. 🙂 LYSM.

Here is me putting it all into practice. (POTW = pic of the week!)

2.15.21: February Flowing (from Florida)

I hope life is treating you well and you are making the choice to appreciate the EFF out of every little good thing happening in your life right now. I promise there is ALWAYS something. I’m talking about everything from family, friends, job, health, freedoms….all the way down to your electricity, morning cup of coffee, moment of silence in a hot shower, nice conversation with your package delivery person, petting a cute dog, or that one little choice you made in your daily routine to better your well-being. Ya feel me?

When times are tough it isn’t always easy to focus on the positive things but when we remember to find gratitude for even the smallest sweetest moments life offers it helps to make everything we have enough. AND it helps us to take the focus away from the areas that maybe aren’t working (for right now).

Science shows that our brains are literally programmed to focus on what isn’t working, so that it can problem solve and make survival its main priority. This means our brains are cautious by nature and we are hard-wired to worry. Our brain uses the past to make decisions about the future- so in turn we spend too much time in both of those places and not enough in the present, right? This also means that everytime we go into a familiar scenario where things haven’t worked out, we naturally expect the SAME outcome (sometimes without even knowing it) HOW can we live in possibility and have an open mind when our brain is programmed to sabotage us in our pursuit of happiness?!
The answer is: PRACTICE (of course and duh and i know you know that).If you want to play the piano well, you have to practiceIf you want to be a great cook, you have to practice.If you want to be a better partner or friend, you have to practice.If you want to be more open you have to practice.if you want to think more positively to feel happier….yup. you have to practice .Just a little bit everyday.Like any other skill- we. get better with practice. Like, this is science guys 

I’m not saying it is easy, but set a concrete goal for yourself in just one area, stick with it and wait and see what happens. If you wanna chat about it or want to get started and need to talk it through- I am here and I am working on it too. We have the power to change our brains to work more in our favor and I for one am here for it! 
Here is a simple way to start (and also find a little more joy)- write down 5 *new* things that you are grateful for from the day, everyday- before you sleep. Reflect on them and take 3 deep long breaths. You may find you even go to bed in a better head space. 

Emotionally I have been thrown some curveballs lately and I find that practicing this helps – along with my yoga, workouts, breathing, listening to my body, listening to my heart, eating cleaner, keeping a routine, spending time with people I care about, sharing, writing, reading, etc etc!

Please know… it is okay to not be okay, to feel it all, to be in a funk, to be stuck, sad, stressed whatever it may be. Let yourself be those things. Just know It is never too late to pick yourself up even if it’s just for an hour a day (4% of your day). Maybe that hour is therapy…maybe its a walk…maybe it’s calling your mom, maybe its meditation…it’s all up to you. 

Ps- I’m adding a picture of the week – just of something that makes me happy and might bring a smile to your face too!This is my sister’s sweet baby and my happy little Nephew Johnny. I mean come on, you can’t tell me you didn’t smile!

2.8.21: Connection (in Costa Rica & beyond)

My next Kambo ceremony (for cleansing- see last blog post for more detail) went great. It was much smoother, a lot more was released. I am even clearer than I was after my first one, which makes sense. This one I went in much more humbly so it felt like a more controlled and less dramatic experience.  It’s funny, each time is a brand new experience- much like our experiences on the yoga mat. Each one familiar yes, but very unique. We learn something new each time. I replenished my energy with a vitamin C drip later on! 

Last night (i wrote this a few Sundays ago) we made chai tea and sat around the coffee table after eating vegetarian food and drinking Kombucha in the living room- next to the kitchen, its all open with no walls so the sounds of the jungle are never shut out. I love that we are never disconnected from nature here. And P.S you would never even miss meat if you tried the food we ate. 

It was me, Lorna, Bec, Kristen and a new friend who also lives here (they all do right now, at least). We all talked for a while, we laughed, shared, listened, spoke, but most of all…we were all connecting. We held space for each other- no one interrupted. I wasn’t thinking of what I was going to say before I said it while someone else was talking. I was fully there.

CONNECTION hits different here. Because everyone is so open already, so real, so vulnerable, willing to share and willing to listen, you are easily able to do the same. It’s the norm. Theres no B.S and there’s no need for small talk. When someone asks how you are, you don’t have to say “fine” and keep moving. You’re completely safe- to just be and say whatever is true to you. Lets be real, we’re all a little bit weird ..and its celebrated. There’s no judgement, or so it feels. It’s extremely refreshing and freeing.. It makes me never want to go anywhere, and if it wasn’t for my close relationship with my family and friends I probably wouldn’t!

That being said, no one “needs a drink” or any substance for that matter to be able to loosen up, to share or to connect.

This was like an epiphany for me. In New York, drinking is so common place. It’s the foundation of most events; parties, dinner out, concerts, whatever it may be.  “will there be alcohol?” Is a question I’ve heard more times than I can count and I’ve said it myself. How many times have you listened to someone overshare, become emotional, or be real simply due to the fact they had something in their system that aids them in doing so? Have a first date? Have a drink before you go! Open bar at a wedding? Let’s do it! Now please understand there is no judgement and there is nothing wrong with having a drink or 2 or 3 when it suits the time and place. This is just simply an observation. The fact that people feel they can only truly share when they have dropped their inhibitions a bit says a lot about our society.

Why do people need it as an excuse to “loosen up”? Sharing your every thought and emotion isn’t necessarily celebrated in these densely populated and busy places. Wouldn’t it seem true then if people were less judgmental toward “strange” people and ideas, people might not have to hide as much, and in turn wouldn’t need substances to connect to others?

I love my Tito’s as much as the next person. All I know is Im really enjoying my 14 days alcohol free thus far.  And drinking kombucha in a wine glass hasn’t stopped me from being totally and completely open and myself…whether I am in Costa Rica or anywhere else. Take me or leave me, lol. Yes I overshare sober or not if you haven’t realized. But in some circles it just feels better than others. Anyway it dawned on me and I wanted to share this food for thought!

UPDATE: I am almost one month liquor and meat free and I am back in Florida for a couple of weeks soaking up time with my family.  Specifically my sister and nephew who are visiting from Brooklyn. It is the reason I flew back. I had a glass of wine at dinner with them a couple of times but just because I like the taste and it felt right. I don’t love labels so I am really using intuition to guide my eating and drinking. Wednesday will be 30 days and I feel great!

Okay, so I am heading back to Costa Rica in about 2 weeks.  This time I will do one final Kambo ceremony and I will sit for my first Ayahuasca early March. More details on this as it gets closer. I was invited by “father” (what we call Kristen’s dad but makes me laugh because it sounds like we are in a cult but its just an inside joke now) to stay in exchange for teaching yoga a few times a week at Synergy. YAY!

I wanted to talk a little bit about the people I have met (some I will be connected with for life). I know I wrote about Lorna I wrote about in my last post, long story short another magical human. I will get to know her even better as we travel a bit as a girl group in March.

Kristen- my good friend for about 5 years now. She’s been there for me through thick and thin. 2020 brought us closer than ever…like many people! I’ve mentioned her a couple of times as she’s the reason I am able to call the Costa Rican jungle my home away from home. Her and her father own Synergy together and she lives there right now. We call her Biggie, and I am smalls (we smell podcast?). She’s just the best and we have a ton of fun together… but we also seem to be super aligned on our paths. We have been both the people staying out til 5am, and also the people waking up at 5am so let’s say we’ve been through the different life stages by each others side. She’s non judgmental and she gets it. I really look to her for guidance and help in a lot of areas.

Bec is from Australia- the loveliest soul. She has helped me so much. Cultured and smart and very skilled in many areas. She gives great advice and has the best most calming energy but she also appreciates my humor and silliness (including my impromptu singing). Thats one way I know the friendship is true, lol. She did Kambo with me for her first time during my second go round. I can’t wait to reunite with her and Kris at the center when I am back, so we can eat vegan soup and laugh together. Right now she is holding down the fort, while people take care of “real life” things like renewing licenses (Kris) and doing visa runs (Father) to stay in the country legally without being fined. She loves sunsets as much as I do.  She has a house in Bali.  And then there’s her Ozzie accent so, she’s basically the coolest. So happy I met her.  

“Baby” Ainsley is next. I call her that because she is a way too mature for her age 18 year old who lives down the street with her family. They moved here from North Carolina not too long ago. Big change to say the least! Her and her family have been some of my biggest cheerleaders when teaching at Synergy. They rarely miss a class. She is kind and smart and fun. We took our first surf lesson together there my first week. We do our workouts at the box together, spend time relaxing together, and of course going to Indomitos for our fave veg foods.

Right now since leaving Florida, Bec and Kristen keep me grounded and connected and we have continued to speak everyday while we all are on our different journeys until we reunite. Keeping in touch has helped to keep a piece of the jungle in my heart and soul. We have a little group chat where we can connect about everything. They are a comforting and a safe space for me. They are lifers for sure.

…..Then there was Jeff. He lives in Montana and he is a bit of a wanderer himself. I don’t know his official title but he sees spirits, and has some other “out of this world” gifts that can’t be explained, by me atleast! He stayed at the center on an “energy exchange” and offered these gifts to some of us. I still can’t explain what happened in words. Im not sure who can. Things took a turn when he ate our pizza and left an IOU note on it…days later straight up cooked our falafel without asking (or offering to replace, or offering to reimburse) then did the same thing with our vegetables…..  I’m talking straight up chopped them up while we all had a full on conversation. We watched in disbelief but pretended it was normal. We think he got into our specially made quinoa too. LOL. At the end of the day I realized we really are all human… and even the most tapped in and connected spiritual beings… have the capability to take your food without asking. hahaha. I thought it would be funny to create a workshop like “how to bring your manners to the jungle” or “how to be connected to the spiritual world but still buy your own food”. KIDDING. But imagine? We get a laugh out of it til this day. He wandered off onto his next destination and who knows if or when our paths will cross again. 

Tomorrow will be one month from when I left, although I just got back last week.  I was there quite a long while…but my work there is not yet finished. I am taking many lessons and learnings from my trip and applying them, just to a very different atmosphere. My relationships have been smooth, my peace of mind in tact, my gratitude strong, my openness and trust in the universe and knowing that great things are coming in the future are super sturdy. Right now, I feel very confident. I know my value and what I deserve in life.  This is not an easy place to get to, and of course it will ebb & flow as life trickles on. But this work is always day by day.  In the end, it doesn’t matter whether you are in a big city or deep in a jungle- because we find these things inside of us. Although I have a lot of people to be thankful for right now, and nature can help speed the process along a bit.

Class schedule for the week should be up! It is either under the “classes” tab, or in your email if you’re a subscriber.  And THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING ME!

Meg

1.25.21- Pura Vida: Part 2

Pura Vida Part 2:

Ahh the jungle. What a place. First and foremost, I need to thank and acknowledge one of my best friends Kristen for being an integral part of my 2020/2021. After all she introduced me to this place, and quite frankly I would be a different person without her today- not as grounded or whole. She lives here at the retreat center. We came last year- pre coronavirus (but we also found each other throughout the year in many different places). I’m talking like 2 weeks before it became an actual thing and NYC shut down along with all of my jobs.  I was on top of the world in my career, newly in love, fit and healthy as I had ever been. Looking back I remember thinking I had “problems” but I had no idea what was to come and how life would be flipped upside down. Looking back I can remember what the problems were… Coming back to this center NOW is a very different experience.

I am so grateful for both. The ups and the downs. The ebbs and the flows make us who we are.  They make me feel stronger.

This center has an energy I can’t describe. It is close to the beach but deeper in the jungle and situated next to a river. Many who have come and gone confirm that there are spirits on the property. I guess you can call it energy too.

I wake up everyday with the sun and the birds. This somehow just happens. Normally I am not the earliest riser but this resets me completely and carries me back into my life in the states. Toucans, roosters, they’re all present in morning roll call, howler monkeys sometimes join in the serenade too. Im up between 5:45am and 6:30am. I love it.  Costa Rican coffee is already brewing in the kitchen.  We sit. We talk. There is no urge to rush. Being slow, meditating, listening to the body, rest…it is all valued here. 

The day is full of healthy nutritious, vegetarian, mostly vegan food made by us.. or by Vivian, who works here. She’s like our lovely “Costa Rican but make it cool Mom”. Some days from 7:30-9am we exercise down the street at a place called The Box, and other days we jog into town or to the grocery store. Theres a water fall nearby, and on the way we see horses, cows, chickens, dogs, cats and lots of bugs and butterflies. We get sun by the pool, we do yoga. We have a weird little family here now- 5 of us plus Mario the dog.  We have real vulnerable conversations and share deeply. Every single one of the people here has a completely different story and adds value to my life in a unique way.  

I am also teaching yoga (obv) which sets my soul on fire. Mainly because I am also teaching to real live human beings. Teaching Vinyasa and Yin, wishing I had my essential oils! I could cry. It’s been months. Having my Zoom students adds a whole new element and they make my heart full.  Bringing my New York people to the jungle with me is very special. 

Now for the rough stuff.  I am doing my yearly Kambo ritual. A cycle of 3 sacred ceremonies in which frog venom is put into holes that have been burned into your skin. Each time a couple more holes are added, a bit more venom.  If you’re intrigues find out more here:

https://thecostaricanews.com/kambo-frog-poison-an-amazing-healing-treasure-from-the-rainforest/

This is not a mind-altering psychedelic. It is actually a physical and emotional energetic cleansing that is really uncomfortable, painful and unenjoyable. However the peptides in this particular frog secretion boost the immune system like I’ve never experienced.  During the experience I feel awful. I purge, I cry, I feel like i’m going into anaphylactic shock- its only for about 10 minutes. Once water washes over the skin where they put the Kambo, the symptoms are gone. And afterwards the positive effects are hard to describe. But I always feel cleansed, lighter, strong and fearless. They recommend completing your Kambo cycle before you sit for your ayahuasca ceremony to have a more blissful experience. Essentially you are going in already physically cleansed and ready.  I believe I will be sitting for my very first ceremony at the end of February.  It has taken me a lot of thought, research and opening to get to the place where I am regarding my excitement to sit with ayahuasca.  Kristen is my muse as she is an actual warrior- experimenting with what seems like every plant/animal medicine ceremony under the sun a number of times, transforming as a person in ways I have never seen and putting in so much work to heal from her life traumas.

If anyone is interested in anything I have discussed please reach out.  As I am lucky to have connections to all of the authentic and real people and facilitators in this world though my friends here.  As with everything, there are fakes and phonies posing and trying to make money off of people searching for healing and enlightenment.  

My second Kambo ceremony is tomorrow morning at 6:30 am sharp. 5:45am wake up to chug what seems like 5 gallons of water to make the purge more smooth. I did 5 points on my upper arm, tomorrow is 7 points along my spine.  The darker and more you purge. The deeper you go.  Tony and Yuli bring this medicine back from Brazil and are indigenous in Venezuela. I wouldn’t experience this ceremony with anyone other than them. The balance of masculine and feminine energy- the care and support they give is unreal. 

I have more inside that I need to get out and I can feel it.  Updates to come 🙂

The sun is setting and it’s like a painting from God. 

LOVE YOU TOO MUCH, 

Meg

1.20.21- Pura Vida: Part I

Pura Vida: Part I

I arrived in San Jose Costa Rica, from Fort Lauderdale International on a Tuesday evening. I spent the night at a nice little hotel including transportation to get ready for my journey into the jungle the next afternoon.  I have been to Costa Rica over 50 times in the last 20 years and it holds a very special place in my heart along with probably hundreds of thousands of memories- some activated by place, some smell, some sound.

Side note: For those of you who don’t know- I married a man (boy is more accurate) from Costa Rica at the age of 25, after meeting him at the age of 22, while living there as an international volunteer teaching English in elementary school while also working with a women’s group making items from banana paper. If you ask me, you probably shouldn’t marry anyone that young…especially if you meet on the Caribbean side on a white sandy beach and think you’re in love…my poor parents, bless their hearts, haha. We weren’t really ready but we didn’t have a choice. I basically lived the real life untaped version of 90 day fiance. But this is a long and crazy story for another time. If you’re interested I can do a separate blog about that. I feel as if I have lived 10 lives at the age of 37.  Maybe I have.  Im sure you can guess we got divorced. It worked out for the best, and I have absolutely no regrets.  Though I do wonder what would have happened sometimes if that chapter never existed.

The relationship that always served me and the one I’ve never ended, is the one with Costa Rica itself. It is magical.  Im not talking about the vacation experience of touristy towns, lets go party, stay at a resort and in your comfort zone experience.  Although I have done that and its also amazing and so much fun. But Im talking more about the experience of going deeper while you’re here. There is sacred land, traditional ceremony, unbelievable people and food, and a whole world to unlock…when you are ready for it. Much like yoga It finds you when you’re ready 🙂

Isn’t it funny that I went from my Starbucks and Solidcore to the jungle life and I almost feel sometimes as if I feel like my soul fits in more here? Here it is so normal to just be you. I don’t feel judgment from others because there is no strict set of standards.

When you meet someone, they don’t ask what you do or how old you are. They ask HOW you are.  Can you imagine?  Im talking to you New Yorkers specifically ;). Its actually so refreshing.  I love it. So much.

After a delicious typical Costa Rican breakfast, (and my last meal with meat for a while), I took a tiny plane 26 minutes over the volcanoes and mountains, through the clouds (avoiding the 4 hour winding drive). It takes a couple of days to settle into the slowness, the stillness, and the difference of it all.  

I am officially tapped in. And I can’t wait to share it all.  

Stay tuned for Part 2 🙂

1.4.21- Great…Expectations.

Let me start by saying- Happy New Year! 2020 is officially over as we tip toe into 2021 with all our hopes…. and fears and whatever other human emotions we carry, hopefully having left some of the heavier stuff behind- whether it be mentally, emotionally or even energetically.

I knew we wouldn’t wake up on January 1st, 2021 with the world resembling one of which we lived in one year ago today, but I did wake up hopeful and with a heavy toolbelt of learnings from the year 2020. 

One of these learnings is a concept I keep delving deeper and deeper into year after year as I practice…..but 2020 took the cake! Just as I start to believe I have found a teensy weensy degree of mastery or some sort of grasp on the idea- another layer gets peeled off for me to discover. Seemingly simple… yet extremely challenging- it is EXPECTATIONS.

An expectation is an event that is considered to most likely happen, or be THE desired outcome. It is always centered on the future, and it may or may not be realistic. Fun fact, the word expectation comes from the Latin word meaning “an awaiting”.

• If an event occurs and the outcome is what we were “awaiting” then we are “happy”.
• If an event occurs and the outcome is not what we were awaiting then we are disappointed.

It seems logical then (keeping it in very simple terms )

• If we keep our expectations HIGH- we MAY experience disappointment, surprise, sadness etc.
• If we keep our expectations LOW- we avoid these emotions which cause unease, pain, discord- and we can remain some degree of peaceful.

Most of us humans allow outcomes to literally determine our responses, reactions, emotions, mood, etc etc. WITH LIFE BEING SO UNCERTAIN WHO WANTS EVERY LITTLE TWIST AND TURN TO DIRECTLY AFFECT HOW PEACEFUL WE ARE?! Not. Me. We have an actual CHOICE. Also let me be clear- it is perfectly normal and ok to have an instant human reaction when hearing an outcome- but then we can pause and make our choice of how much it really matters and how we want to cope in order to maintain our state of calm.

Heres a small table of simple & small expectations where a person can choose to either allow it to effect them in a BIG way, or a very small way!

Scenario:	No Expectations	Expectations
They ran out of your fav chicken at your lunch stop:	Aww ok, bummer- ill have the tofu instead no biggie- I’ll come back for the chicken this week!	Ugh. This is unacceptable. Its all I wanted and craved and now I won’t be satisfied for the rest of the day.
A friend cancels plans:	A bit disappointed because I miss her but lets rain check! I have some other things I can get done instead today.	She is SO rude. Im honestly pissed off. My whole day was planned around this so she’s definitely going to hear it from me later.
A relative forgets your birthday:	It initially hurt my feelings because we are so close! But I understand all thats been going on and so many other people who love me have reached out making my day super special. We can talk soon 🙂	This PROVES she doesn’t love or care about me. How could someone so important to me forget about me? How selfish. I am definitely telling the rest of the family about this.

The examples above are great places to start! Of course it gets harder as we start to deal with heavier and more serious things in life, but when we build a house we need to start with the foundation before installing the chandelier. Many are unaware they even have these powerful choices, and that they can make all the difference.

2020 was a great teacher because it taught me I had expectations I didn’t even know about that had been engrained so deep into my subconscious. Yeah Ive nailed it in expectations for possible outcomes with haircuts, cancelled plans and super rainy days, however…..I now have even more depth. For example, having all of my yoga jobs in Brooklyn, Manhattan and LI for as long as I desired? THAT TURNED OUT TO BE AN EXPECTATION! There was a subconscious assumption that my job was one of the constants, not one of the uncertainties. It was like a blindspot for me. An area and a path where I could only continue to grow and advance. Im glad I could look back now with a clear mind, but when I was in the thick of it- wow. Honestly, it blew my mind. My practice has only just begun because it opened a rabbit hole. I am so super aware now that these expectation blindfolds exist. What else do I not even know that I just automatically expect? What about you? Did 2020 open your eyes in this way? What expectations do you have have, both little or large?

Our yoga practice is a perfect space to unlearn all of this stuff that is really just basic human instinct. Expectations are formed in the human brain as a result of learning from life and past experiences, gathering information and also simple want and desire. So let’s observe them, notice them, sit with them, and gradually shift to what will serve us better.

 This theme will be woven into my zoom classes this week as well!

12.27.20- ON BEING HUMAN:

My mom and I like to watch Family Feud on some weeknights together because it’s light and fun and of course Steve Harvey is hilarious.  One of the survey questions during the fast money round was “On a scale of 1-10, how much do people like you?”  

Mom responded, “10 of course!” 

I replied jokingly, “Really?! Then they must not know you that well!

I continued on, “I feel like it’s a 10 for me! People love me!” She laughed and said “Well… then they must not know YOU that well!”  

Of course we laughed because we were playing around but the point of me telling this story is to demonstrate that the ones we love most are the ones that really have truly seen ALL of our sides over the years.  The sides people for the most part prefer/attempt to keep hidden from the rest of the world. The good, the bad and the ugly. Regardless of who sees all of these sides, they are in all of us. Though they do transform when we work on ourselves.

So here goes. I got REALLY upset with my sister last week and I lashed out. We really know each other’s sore spots being 22 months apart. The funny thing is that I knew what I was doing but it didn’t stop me. She has to love me forever regardless right? LOL no but in all seriousness for that moment in time it felt oddly freeing to overreact and actually yell. She then took the final jab by saying something along the lines of “why don’t you tell your yoga students that this is who you really are!?”. Ouch, my achilles heel. Of course all I could think of was how HARD I have been working on myself and now this one instance ruined it all! Now she will never see it. Will I always be that version of Megan in her eyes? Because I know that version has been upgraded! Like the updates we get on our phone. Still not perfect…usually improved- but even then there’s a glitch or a bug sometimes!  SO here I am telling this story. I am not ashamed to admit I make mistakes, and I want my friends and students to know I am in the work right there with them.  As for my sister, If you’re reading this you know I am sorry already and I love you deeply. We are best friends and I like to think these things help us keep each other in check. 🙂 

Side note:  letting go of other peoples’ stories of you is incredibly freeing and we sometimes don’t realize it. Just as we don’t realize the stories we have been holding about others can be damaging as well. Are we letting other people change and grow as time goes on? Or are we still looking at them through the eyes of the past? This is something I am very present to right now. Maybe in 2021 we work on allowing someone to show up for us differently than we would expect.

To make a long story longer; WE ARE HUMAN. We make mistakes, get frustrated, loud or angry, cold or quiet, react irrationally, whatever it may be. If people look perfect walking this earth or ya know on social media (ick), I promise you they’re not. BUT who wants a perfect person? It’s boring and it also doesn’t exist, therefore it’s fake. The difference between us humans in the practice and those humans who are not, is the ability to REFLECT on our behavior and UNDERSTAND ourselves better. If you are able to pause, apologize, evaluate and change for the better you’re still in your practice. You are not a bad person. It’s not all for nothing.

Disclaimer: I am not saying I am proud of my behavior in that instance or that you should go about reacting however you want to the people you love or people in general but I am saying if you so happen to fly off the rails once in a while, don’t beat yourself up. 2020 has been tough.  Maybe you’re just working on flying off the rails less– and that’s work! 🙂

We can still be into self development AND be human at the same time as long as we are working on being BETTER humans. I believe our yoga practice helps us to embrace this concept.  Yoga just like life is not linear- it’s like waves. It’s not always on the straight up and up. Injuries, life challenges, triggers- they can all set us back, cause us to falter.  For example, we can still be progressing in our yoga practice if we have a set back in the body, just as we can still be progressing as humans in life if we have a…ahem, “moment”.  

Hope to see you on the mat or in my inbox or on the screen very soon 🙂

I love you!

Megan 

12.21.20- PRESENCE IS A PRESENT: LESSONS IN 2020

HAPPY AND MERRY EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE. Whatever you believe or celebrate- I am here for it. Welcome to my 3rd email. YOU’RE STILL HERE! Yay. I’m now in my third week of virtual teaching- phew! I can say I am improving… but I have a ways to go.
I will not be teaching any live classes this week due to the holiday- and also my dad had surgery today so I will be helping out as much as I can with him. However I will be recording a class (either tomorrow or Wednesday) to send to whoever is interested. If you have an active class pack- its free! If not, it’s an easy Paypal or Venmo of $7. Please let me know if you’re interested and i’ll send it your way to do whenever you please and I’ll be back live next week.

INSPO FOR THIS WEEKS CLASS AND THIS WEEKS BLOGGY TYPE THING!!(Agree or Disagree? Relate or no? Read and Reply any thoughts PRETTY PLEASE!)

I signed up for a Zoom Webinar and then dropped the ball and MISSED IT because well I was “busy” with a long to do list and completely forgot. My Solution- I re-signed up for this Wednesday so it’s all good. *Btw I say “busy” in quotes because it’s really a non excuse- excuse. We are really never  “too busy” to do something that we view as a priority, right? The things we get done are the things we were “busy” with, not “too busy” for- those things get left until the end and often fall to the wayside.
Anyway, that was a tangent. All of this brings me to my point: BEING PRESENT.2020 flew by… but then it also didn’t.  There were a few magical moments I just didn’t want to end, but then I also remember times where I watched as the hands of the clock stood painfully still. This all depended on how present I was, my mindset at the moment, what my physical body was doing and yup, my overall practice.

So it seems to me that for most people TYPICALLY:1. The faster things fly by, the less present we are. We may remember the emotion or the overall vibe, but maybe some of the details are hazy because we let life happen TO us and our senses just experience it all- with a lessened sense of actual higher self awareness.2. The slower things go, we think “oh how boring” what can I do to amuse all my senses? Mindless phone scrolling, TV, food? We are either super present of everything but NOT necessarily enjoying it (ex. the water dripping from the faucet, the faint sound of our neighbors talking next door) OR not present at all because our thoughts are just fluttering from place to place, be it imagination, memory, thinking of the past or future.

So it’s like, TIME FLIES WHEN YOU’RE HAVING FUN! but A WATCHED POT NEVER BOILS. AH!
I truly believe our yoga practice can help us bridge this gap and help us to find more of a middle ground. We become more STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES if you will. Can we slow down in the faster moments and REALLY take it all in, perhaps make it last longer? Savor it? And In the moments of slow, when the mind may be impatient, can we find gratitude, become aware of the thoughts and details so we can gain control? Use our breathing as a tool to practice enjoying the very moment for what it is? Be ok with just being?
This is the theme for class this week. PRESENCE. Technically this could be every yoga class theme though. Not trying to get points for originality……AM trying to help us to live better quality lives tho)

I must admit (like many of us!), I am very overwhelmed this holiday- going through some emotional stuff, lots of change, have NOT been sleeping well, not able to celebrate certain traditions with my family, dad just had surgery which just seems like an extra straw on the camel’s back. I hope some of this is relatable or valuable to you. If not thank you for letting me basically journal all over your phone or computer screen :). Through it all please know I am practicing what I preach as best I can. I’m stopping to smell the roses (and it is ok to notice there are thorns along with all of the beauty)!

I love you,
Meg– 

12.17.20: Getting the Hang of it (Sorta!)

I was even more excited than I was last week to teach my classes. My students and friends have been so supportive it has only increased my motivation and further sparked the passion I hadn’t felt in many months among the changes and sadness that came with losing my routine and jobs in New York City and Brooklyn.

I thought I had it down this week- the AirPods, sending the link and passcode, the setup. Welppppp, it turns out the learning curve continues. I spent HOURS on Zoom this afternoon troubleshooting and I still don’t have it down to a T. But thats ok. I am being proactive and I signed up for a free Zoom Webinar on Monday afternoon before my first class next week. A “Zoom For Dummies” if you will.

Things I want to learn because I still don’t know how:

• Play my Spotify playlist & my voice at the same time- so I sent the playlist in the email!
• Make MYSELF and not my students the big square on the screen! or switch between
• TURN OFF MY EMAIL NOTIFICATION SOUND DURING CLASS! *BLING*
• I wanted to record class for a few students who requested. And after putting in all the effort to teach WHILE practicing I ended up with just 17 seconds of my face in the camera!

EVEN THOUGH all of that may be true. Even through all of the kinks- I feel so great about class. I feel connected to my teaching and my students and my own practice again. I honestly could cry *surprise surprise!* IM HAPPY! So grateful for those who supported me in my lil biz. It may not look like much just yet, but its mine and im proud.

12.11.20: Reflections of a Zoom Newbie

My first zoom experience & NEXT WEEKS SCHEDULE BELOW!

I did it! First week of zoom in the books. No longer a Zoombie (Zoom Newbie)? It did not go off without a hitch (not so techy yogi over here). But hey, It worked out…like it somehow always does when you trust the universe. Even though it wasn’t always smooth I still consider it a success and a win! LITTLE WINS ARE BIG WINS ESP IN 2020.

One of my best friends said to me recently, “if there’s anything I’ve learned throughout my life, looking back to even my darkest of times, it always works out…like always”. Those words not only ring so true when I look back through my life as well, but they comfort me during times like these. And I’m not referring to teaching my first yoga class on zoom! I just bring that up because IF even after my darkest moments I saw light again, why would I waste a moment worrying about a zoom class being a disaster? Thats just something I did want to share if you’re going through a hard time right now, because sometimes you just can’t see the light. Just know it is there. I feel you, I see you, I love you.

Heres a short recap of my learnings-

• Class started 7 minutes late because I didn’t realize Zoom kicks you off after 40 minutes with a free account. Whoops and Yikes. So my sweet friend (and student) Carlos let me use his paid account aka saved the day. That took some time to figure out. Then I realized, I wasn’t in control of the zoom room because it was his account, or the sounds, the pictures- so everyone was tiny and I didn’t know if they could hear me. I assumed they could because they were moving with my cues in their tiny boxes. I just went with it. Then I ended late. of course. 

*Solution: As of today I have my own Zoom account- my own meeting room and my own password. YAY. 

• I felt like I was speaking very loudly but didn’t want to risk speaking too low. I also didn’t play music because I couldn’t ask if they could hear both me and the music together. I didn’t have time to work out those kinks. I didn’t even realize I probably should have trouble shot that before I started. Heh.

*Solution: One of my super helpful students Randy told me if I used AirPods I could speak normally and everyone would hear me just fine no matter how I spoke. I look forward to speaking in my normal yoga voice next week. I have a fresh pair still in its box and Im going to learn the ins and outs of it all this weekend. Im starting to really appreciate technology! All tips welcome.

In the end I was all smiles. I had 4 lovely students supporting me through it all and I received feedback from every single one afterward through either email text and even phone call. Im not crying, you’re crying. No I’m kidding, you’re not crying and I was definitely crying.

My biggest takeaway. IT FELT SO GOOD that all the “mistakes” melted away when all was said and done and I can’t wait to do it again. If I remember to treat myself the way my students treat me, I beat myself up a lot less. Thank you all so much for who you are for me.

NEXT WEEKS SCHEDULE:

Tuesday/Thursday: 6-7pm (see class tab on my website for descriptions, what props you’ll need and pricing).

PS- I hope to keep lowering the price of classes as I build up more students. The more students I get, the more affordable I can make this for everyone! So if you enjoy my class, please spread the word for me. Its much appreciated.

Feedback and suggestions are always welcome. What works best for you? What would you like to see in class? How can I improve?

Okay, so I don’t know if Im actually going to “blog” but this is where I’m going to share all the extra goodies- it will be about what’s going on, its where I will keep it real with you…like real-real… from wherever I am, whenever I feel its right! I have never done anything like this before and I won’t be holding back. *GAHH*

BUT it could also be:

• a great recipe
• health or nutrition tip
• podcast episode
• helpful yoga trick
• essential oil remedy
• a travel story
• an awesome recommended book or article on yoga, spirituality or self development!
• question or advice if I need your help! I most likely will!

 Like I said, I have no idea where this thing is going to take us. (US!!)

I would love for you to feel like you can share and do the same, even just let me know you are there with a thumbs up. We can relate to one another, perhaps feel more connected. I don’t know about you but I could really use some more of that right now. I think its going to be therapeutic…but I’ve also been at this for hours and its past midnight so I will reevaluate soon 🙂 Please share your thoughts if you’re feeling it!

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